Workshop Wednesday: Lessons from Ninja Chickens

Writing and rewriting rhyming stanzas until they are just right

Hi friends,

Welcome to my first ever Workshop Wednesday post! I’m starting this once-a-month feature for paid subscribers to give them a peek into my creative brain and share some of how and why I do what I do. These posts are meant to be short, helpful “workshops” for writers of children’s literature, but they can also be interesting for anyone who is curious about my process.

Because this is my first Workshop Wednesday post, it is available to all subscribers. If you like what you see, and would like to see more (plus other exclusive content), consider becoming a paid subscriber. Either way, I’m happy to have you here!

---

Lessons from Ninja Chickens

When Corey Rosen Schwartz and I decided to retell the story of Hansel and Gretel, but make it about chickens and a fox, we knew we had our work cut out for us. How much of the story should we leave the same? The bread crumb trail, for starters. What could we get away with cutting? Spoiler alert: There’s no wicked stepmother. What parts could we tweak just a little to make them work for our new story? Gingerbread became cornbread. The witch became a fox. Obviously Hansel and Gretel became chickens. Ninja chickens. We went through countless brainstorming sessions and I don’t know how many drafts of Hensel and Gretel: Ninja Chicks before we had it down to a version that we both were happy with. And then the really hard work began: polishing the text to a pristine shine!

Something I often tell my critique clients who write rhyming manuscripts is that there’s always another way to say what you want to say. Too often people limit themselves by getting hung up on specific words, allowing the rhyme to drive the story. When that happens you end up with forced rhymes, text that fails to move the story forward, or lines that don’t make sense in the context of the story. You also might give up on rhyme and end up with a near rhyme or slant rhyme instead, which is sometimes forgivable, but almost always unnecessary.

The solution is to let go and experiment.

In Hensel and Gretel: Ninja Chicks there is a stanza early on in the story that goes like this:

They trained in the art of ninjutsu
and practiced their wing throws and blocks.
They learned how to creep 
without making a peep
so they wouldn’t fall prey to that fox.

Just like a ninja in training, it took a lot of practice sessions for Corey and I to get this stanza just right. The only line we were certain about in the beginning was “They trained in the art of ninjutsu.” And, we knew where the story was going. The trick was to make the rest of the stanza flow from that ninjutsu line and set the stage for Hensel and Gretel to become the kick-butt ninja chickens they would have to be in order to avoid becoming the Fox’s next stir-fry. It was a lot to fit into one rhyming stanza!

We tried…

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
and learned how to track like the best.

and

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
learning combat and stalking and stealth

but didn’t get far with those two options. So we kept going. Here are a couple other options we tried:

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
and mastered the thigh kick and throw.
But Gretel could creep	
without making a peep
to capture her unwary foe.

and

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
and mastered the thigh block and throw.
Gretel was swift,
but her true ninja gift
was tracking down prey like a pro.

A this point we were highlighting the differences between the two chickens. Our thought was that it would make sense to highlight Gretel’s stealth skills because of her role in defeating the fox later. But we weren’t happy with those two options either. Here are some others:

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
and learned how to fight and to sneak.
Hensel was ________
But Gretel was ________
at using her camo technique.

and

They trained in the art of ninjutsu,
and both became butt-kicking sneaks.
But Gretel could creep
without making a peep
and vanish with camo techniques.

You’ll notice how we ended up changing the rhyme in the second line in these variations. But all of the variations of the stanza essentially say the same thing: Hensel and Gretel became skilled at ninjutsu, while emphasizing that Gretel is the best at stealth.

Ultimately, though, we decided not to emphasize their differences, choosing instead to showcase the sisters as equals. Later in the story Gretel’s stealth skills do come into play, but it’s because of how the chickens work together that ends up saving the day.

---

Now it’s your turn!

It wouldn’t be a workshop if I didn’t give you an assignment. So, here are a few options for you:

• If you have a rhyming manuscript on hand, choose one stanza from that manuscript and rewrite it using different rhyming words. Try a few different variations, focusing on saying basically the same thing, but in a different way. Or write several versions of a new stanza or short poem.

• Workshop the ninjutsu stanza from Hensel and Gretel: Ninja Chicks. How many different versions can you come up with? Or try it with a few lines from another rhyming text, such as a nursery rhyme. Here’s an example:

  Hey diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle.
  The moon looked up at the cow.
  The little dog thought, “Hey, what a cool trick!”
  while the dish and the spoon hollered, “Ciao!”

  I’m not suggesting that this version is better than the original, but that’s not the point!

• Rhyme not your thing? Try a similar challenge with a few lines of verse. Or even just a sentence!

It’s important to remember that, in writing several variations of the same stanza or line, the goal isn’t for each one to be good. It’s a way to loosen up and explore, and allow the process to lead you, eventually, to those just right lines. Or, in some cases, to lead you in another direction entirely.

If you try out one of these exercises, I’d love to hear about it!

---

Remember: Next month’s Workshop Wednesday post will be for paid subscribers. Upgrade your subscription if you’d like to see more. If not, that’s okay too!